One-sided love: How to be at peace with it!

February 24th, 2012 by Nitin Akash Leave a reply »

I have seen a lot of people suffering immense emotional pain due to one-sided love. Most of us get opportunity to witness one-sided or unrequited love at some point during our lives. I intend to help people release the emotional pain accrued due to one-sided love through this post. First part deals with understanding love, second part explains why we stumble upon such a situation in life, third part deals with practices that can help one deal with it.

Take inventory of your true feelings

Evaluate your feelings to see if you truly love this person you are thinking about, I would suggest you take the true love test given here. We are not hurt because we love someone, but because the person we love does not love us back. A predominant pain element in unrequited love is due to our expectation to get the person as boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. On little contemplation one realizes that, love has nothing to do with possession and if we cast off the desire of possession, then the feeling of love becomes true bliss.

Below are some more components of one-sided love that make it a little unpleasant,namely

  1. The feeling of betrayal associated with one sided love.
  2. The hurt of rejection.
  3. Threat, that someone else might receive his/her love.
  4. Perceived feeling of failure, and
  5. The pain of separation.

Look at these reasons carefully, except for the fifth reason all are related to our own self, it has nothing to do with the person who is not responding to love as per our expectation. One should not feel betrayed, rather respect the freedom of the person he or she loves. It is OK if someone does not love us back, and s/he is free to take decision for him or herself. The way we are free to agree or disagree to a proposal, so are others.  If we truly love a person we should be happy if he or she finds true love, if we do not feel happy in the happiness of our love then we are being selfish. And selfishness by no means is an indicator of true love.

Now let us talk about the hurt of rejection, the hurt of rejection comes when a person tries too hard, to the point where his or her behaviour becomes imposing. In such a situation the other person reacts by neglecting, avoiding and at times by insulting. It is a vicious cycle the more one tries the more s/he is hurt and the situation deteriorates further to the point of no return. But again hurt of rejection originates when we do not respect the freedom of person we supposedly love. Similar is the case with threat and perceived failure, the moment we cast off the desire to get the person it ceases to hurt.

The most difficult thing to handle is the pain of separation, however know that the pain of separation on most occasions is derived by not getting the person, we are free to feel love but when we attach a condition to our love we dilute it’s purity. Desire to possess or be with someone against his or her will attaches condition to our love. The best form of love is always unconditional. If we truly love someone, then it becomes immaterial weather he or she is physically near or far. For true lover his/her beloved is always near. Anyone who understands this can easily be peaceful in spite of one-sided love.

In the next part let us take the reasons that make us candidate for one-sided love.

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  1. Renatus says:

    I understand what you’re saying.It’s a truth that resonates with me.But I’m having a very difficult time after what I believe is (or not) my soulmate seperated from me.It’s if I met her before I ever met her. I recognized her.I don’t know anything about past lifetime and I’m skeptical about it.But I know that when I saw her for the first time there was something special.Something familiar. Anyways.She left me and I’m devastated.
    Without her knowing when she left this event actually woke me up.I was going through life asleep and with a mask.Now I am aware and you would think that now I can truly live life consciously, as a good human being and as service to others.But I believe that she is the one and I don’t want to love anyone else.I understand this is a lesson but I don’t agree with the way it manifests. I do not accept this way of life.I’m angry at life and god and myself.It is unfair to meet someone feel the universe for them and then they don’t love you, she maybe never loved me at all.This is terrible.I’m trying to move one and be grateful but I’m not and like I said, I have a strong disagreement with life, this way and god.I feel it’s even silly to have a system where we have to go trough pain to learn about love.Whoever created this system needs a update on software and hardware.
    At least let me go trough this awakening with pain but let me grow together with her.Two soulmates awaking together.That would be beautiful.

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